Any form of writing has always been very difficult for me. I felt that I lacked adequate skill to express myself in proper form. This was true for many reasons. The major reason originated in my past organized education. I remember associating writing with long lists of sentences I was required to copy and insert the missing words in the blanks. I considered such exercises useless and from those second grade days I decided if this were writing I hated it. In the sixth grade my suspicious teacher added the note "sounds bookish" to the "C" she promply slapped on everything that hinted at imagination or originality. This was a stifling atmosphere of distrust. Unfortunately, I learned to write to please the teacher—or tried.
In EH 301 under Dr. Rockwood a completely opposite approach has been used, an approach that can encompass all types of students and their ideas. The basic subject material of our essays was dreams and memories. This common subject united the goals of the class, but left open space for the individual. Each assignment was clearly stated, but not in a detailed manner that would inhibit self-expression. Dreams were chosen as subject matter because of their origin in the unconscious, which has integrity and bears clear honest truths. Reading material and lectures introduced us to the Jungian concept of the collective unconscious. According to this concept it is a universal element in the psyches of all people. Creations from this source will always contain elements that others can understand. If all the contents are drawn from dreams, it will stimulate others and at worse the writing will seem to convey the effect of the "innocent eye." As for the papers, the dreams were to be written exactly as the dreamer experienced them. For example, if a dream involved the apparent contradiction of sitting yet standing, then the writer must say so, and then later analyze the symbolism underlying this phenomenon. At all costs, the writer must not rearrange the facts of the dream to make them conform to the rules of the rational mind. Through the exposition and analysis of dreams I have learned to appreciate, respect, and realize the usefulness of the unconscious as the source of creativity. It is a part of me that I knew existed, but was unaware of the extent of its resources. Literature for me has taken on a significance that I find absolutely staggering.
It is well known that strict rules and regulations inhibit the unconscious and emphasize the conscious. Competition and anxiety also emphasize the conscious. As a student in EH 301 I never felt that I was competing with anyone except myself. It was totally an individual learning process. It is impossible to take one's inner thoughts that relate to oneself alone and then determine their value on another individual's scale. Dr. Rockwood created this atmosphere by his matter-of-factness and simplicity in making assignments. Also, significantly, there was never a comparison of students.
A feeling of trust was established between student and professor from the outset. We were "nestlings," rather than students, who were being delicately led to a greater understanding of ourselves. Being a leader means securing the trust of those one leads. I am aware of two distinct ways in which Dr. Rockwood achieved this. The first was by relating enlightening and pertinent personal experiences. The second was by constantly reinforcing verbally that if we express ourselves honestly, what we write, even if the reader disagrees with it, will never be totally without value. I have never experienced writing assignments that were not traumas until now. I simply write down what I sincerely feel with a confidence that if I have truly been sincere, and I have taken pains to make my meaning as clear and precise as I am able, that it will be received positively by the professor. A writer—especially a student—often feels that what he writes, good or bad, is part of him. To have one's writing rejected is to be rejected personally. I did not experience the horror of rejection anxiety because I knew that if the writing were weak I would be given a detailed analysis of its weaknessess along with advice about how to improve it. I knew also that if my writing were to attain to a level of excellence, the professor was equipped to recognize that (many professors, as I and a great many other students have discovered to our sorrow, are definitely not so equipped).
I have always deemed myself creative, but the far-reaching boundaries that I have discovered in this course astound me. I have been stimulated to experiment more with my writing ability. I now see that teaching can be accomplished without destruction. As a possible future teacher, this new faith is most encouraging. I had all but decided that the entire educational system was little more than useless. If for no other reason than the self-confidence I have gained, this course—EH 301—has been more than worthwhile.
© Copyright 2002 by Robert J. R. Rockwood. All rights reserved.